Can you believe that it’s finally 2017?
Hopefully, a year that will be less brutal when it comes to celebrity deaths and politics (yeah that’s right Trump – I’m talking to you!)
I usually start the new year feeling super motivated to eat better, exercise more and participate in all the other typical new year’s resolutions, but my main aims this year are to get into drama school and to just live in the moment. Since turning 18 last October I’ve realised that I over think things way too much instead of just taking risks, making mistakes and learning from them. I constantly find myself thinking about the safer options rather than just having fun and thinking freely. The aim is to change this, especially now that I have only just over five months until I finish school FOREVER! I find that so difficult to believe. Drama school auditions will be brutal and extremely competitive, but I’m doing all the right things when it comes to preparation – dancing, acting and singing lessons, and I’m also thinking positively about the whole process. The worst case scenario is that I just reapply until I succeed. My dream is to get a place at Arts Ed University to study musical theatre, but I’m also trying to think realistically about what I’m going to do if I don’t get offered a place. I’ll wait to hear back from auditions before even attempting to think of all the possible things I could do.
Growing up is scary. I can now drive, drink legally, vote, and I have to make very independent decisions. Don’t get me wrong, being an adult rocks but I constantly worry that I haven’t yet experienced enough. I know, you’re probably thinking OMG what is she on about? She’s only 18! But I can’t help it. I’m incredibly lucky to have experienced so many things already but I find myself thinking that I am so selfish sometimes because I don’t think it’s enough. I’m very greedy when it comes to success – I always want more. Ever since I was 13 years old I’ve wanted to be a performer. Since that age I’ve had a plan to get into university straight after leaving school, completing the 3 year degree course and going straight to the West End, but it’s NOT that easy! I believe that I have a very good work ethic (my stepmother tells me this too), so this is why I think I’ll always put my career first .
Seeing as I’m on this topic of being so independent and single minded, I had a very interesting conversation with my mum, sister and stepdad the other day. They cannot see me having children at all because like I’ve just said I will always think of my success and goals first, and I actually agree with them. Of course, having children in the future would be wonderful but I know for a fact that I’d want to succeed in whatever it is I want to do before committing to something like that. My friends all think that I’d make a good mam, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves!
Another resolution of mine is to not worry about what others think of me. I’m going to let you in on a little secret – in my eyes I need to be a likeable person. I try to look at life with a positive mental attitude and therefore try to be as kind and as genuine as possible towards others. When I hear that someone doesn’t like me for the person I am, it really bugs me. I then hear myself asking a dozen questions; why don’t they like me? Is it the way that I talk? Am I too lively and in people’s faces? But these questions are futile. I really don’t know why I waste my time and energy on something that means so little. I always try to make amends with anyone that has a problem with me but if they can’t accept my apology or efforts to try and fix things, well that’s just their problem. I’ve tried and there’s nothing else I can do. I mainly worry about this because a) I am the world’s top and best worrier and b) I’m paranoid that people will spread bad rumours about something that I didn’t mean to say or do. It sounds incredibly ridiculous that I think this way, but why should I care? I already have so many incredibly loyal and beautiful friends who love me for being me. Why should I care about what strangers and people who I’ve literally just met think of me? Seeing as I want to get into the theatre industry, it’s probably best that I conquer this fear ASAP. I just have to keep telling myself that I have an incredible life that I wouldn’t change for the world and I’m so lucky to have wonderful people around me.
So, why not think of one positive change that you could make this year? Write it in the last page of your diary – December 31st, 2017. On that day, you can read it again and ask yourself whether you’ve succeeded.
Until next time.
“I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!”